Dare

I am lost in your words
but I dare not reach out
I dare not offer solace or comfort
how dare I try
to fill in any sort of void
how dare I
for I am the betrayer of hopes and dreams
how many warped perceptions
and misconceptions
have I allowed to cloud
the relationships I get into
how many dreams have I crushed
all the promises I left to rust
look at them all
how dare I dare
how can I care
yes I am an inhuman monster
locked within these walls
where I can't reach out and hurt any one
for I am that greatest of all unspeakable horrors
the wrong turns and twists
make people slit their wrists
over my insensitivity
The road to hell looms before me
I always thought it would be straight
instead I find that like all the choices we make
it has many forks
many curves and turns
the better to burn
They will ask me how dared I do
the things I've done when I reach the end
to face what judgement comes
I will tell them the truth
though no one will really belive my words
"I was only trying to help....."
I always started out with the best of intentions
the end task was never the atrocities I wound up making
It looks like this road to hell truley is paved with good intentions

You wanna be happy

you wanna be happy
but you don't even try
just dig up the ashes
and fill up the sky

and smoke curled edges
won't let me breath
dig up the lies buried in my dreams
storm clouds swirl
a mile or more high

but the rain won't come
if you never cry
the breeze won't blow
all the ashes away
why did you dig things up.....today

My voice hangs ragged
just like my dreams
I preach to the choir
with words I don't mean

You wanna be happy
but when you actually try
you cut off your wings
and fall down from the sky

Testing

Your trials, are not punishments meted out by God,
God does not want you to suffer,
but he cannot spare you the valley of the shadow of death
He can give you everlasting life,
but he cannot keep the shadows from touching you
He can keep the shadows from having power over you
but you must let him
nothing in this life is to punish us
only prepare
everything is a stepping stone
on the path to higher love
but the question is will we stray from the path
whenever despair or descouragement
urges a detour
or will we press on
knowing that we are not punished
merely tested?

Be careful how you live, you may be the only bible some people ever read.....

I went to the well

I went to the well
it was all dried up
all dried up
and empty
no inspiration came rushing forth
to quench the void
only the empty shadows
cool depths
cool sand
water leaps beneath the surface
Where I cannot
touch it
Or tap into it
Elusive just like you

Madness

things you don't understand at all

walk with me to the end of this hall

now you'll ask me

why have a hallway that leads to nothing?

Some journeys are pointless,

the only purpose they serve is that we make them,

Why make a hallway that leads to nothing?

Why make a life that ends in nothing then?

A midnight musing

I sleep
is it worth it
I wonder
to see the things I see
trapped behind my eyelids

where
do these images come from
these fickers of twisted torment
why are my hands locked around
a stranger's throat

and why
is there a severed hand
under my pillow
I don't remember
putting it there

Perhaps I really am
that monster I dream I am
and this life
is but a dream
of what I wish I were

January....

sliver of moon
below me
drowning in the fountain
just how did we come to this
you say you love me
with an empty with kiss

shadows sleeping
in the trees they remian
to comfort me
in the wake of you
Ironically

snowflakes
have a cold caress
but their touch
is what I have left
is desertion
a blessing or a curse?

empy or full

June 2003
The house feels empty when everyone is home
and full when I'm left by myself......
empty of regrets
or full of ghosts and memories

Thoughts have Wings

Four men argue over a public dinner
one will not budge from his chair over convictions,
the other three stand for theirs,
various belssings they would speak over the feast,
but the forth man will not stand for what he does not beleive
the other diners grow anxious as the tension mounts
I go and beg them all to sit and break bread
One says, "but he will not stand for our prayers"
I nod, "we cannot make him.
Your prayers will reach God just the same."
Thoughts have wings
Even those uttered in silence in the deepest part of the human heart fly to God
It is a prayer in and of itself and a reminder
Thoughts have wings
Amen

Dream for Me

Dream for me
While I am here eyes held open and captive by the world gone mad
Dream of better
Lives not so saddened by senseless violence and the greed mixed in with human nature
Dream of peace
For old men, young men, soldiers, scholars, and all things in between
Dream sweet dreams to carry back to me in the waking world of madness
That I shall not lose hope
Dream for me